SH3 Hash Trash


Vol. 2, No. 3                                                                                                      Hash No. 13

Hash Date:     4 March 2004

Scribe:            Nuclear Semen



What a great night for a hash!!!!  How could we be so lucky (Lucky 13) as to hash after three (YES, THREE!) days of rain.  How could there be this much moisture in New Mexico?  We must have gone through a wormhole and ended up somewhere else!  It was “hard” for any of us to remember the last time the ground wasn’t HARD (and dusty).  Last hash’s culvert crawl would have been “real” shiggy under these conditions.  Should we thank the hares?  Nah - they just benefited from pure dumb (and I mean dumb) luck!  Now at thirteen hashes, we’ve seen almost all of Socorro (well, it “ain’t” that big, folks!).  What’s next?

Muster was taken at the Socorro Springs Brewery for the “Wearing of the Green” Hash with Nuclear Semen (yours truly), Virtual Clinton, 7 Inches Shy (Finally!), and Nothing’s Hung Like A Deere (and it even said “R…” in big bold letters) present.  Rounding out the cast of characters (and I don’t use that term loosely!) were Just Julie (thought I couldn’t read 8pt font, huh?), Just Bob (and under which rock have you been hiding?  …and where was your green?), Just Glen, Just Kim (who can’t remember anyone’s hash names… tsk… tsk), and Virgin Jason (it’s nice to have one around).  Missing in action (MIA) were Papa Don’t Preach and Father Snowball.  Wow!  I never thought Papa would miss a hash (especially with the possibility of great shiggy)!  Is it because your better half (she is a lot better looking than you!) is going “bye-bye” in a couple days, Papa?  You have broken tradition!  Wait until next time (drink it… down, down, down, down, down…).  And Father Snowball – what’s your excuse?  “It might rain” – BIG DEAL!  Hares Virtual Clinton and 7 Inches Shy were given an extended 15 minute head start while the pack quaffed down a bit more brew.  Nuclear Semen gave a quick chalk talk and the game was on!

Right away the pack was in trouble.  Somewhere around the San Miguel Church, Just Glen got separated from the pack.  I kept thinking to myself as we headed up the road to Franklin St that he must be a real FRB since he wasn’t behind me (at least I didn’t think he was).   I wonder if it’s a “sign,” as we always end up going by there when there’s a funeral or the pack gets separated there!!!  God only knows!!  At Campus St, a check slowed the pack while the FRB’s sniffed out true trail.  With a hearty “On On,” the pack headed north and then west towards NM Tech.  The YBF up on Bursum Pl almost got the pack lost.  AHEM!!! Virtual Clinton and 7 Inches Shy, a YBF goes back to the LAST CHECK (see!!!!!  Fortunately, the pack found true trail about where I expected it to be (gotta love those ditch banks), eventually heading back down towards San Miguel Church (not again!), bypassing Virtual Clinton’s (did we really need your permission for the BN last time?).  As we turned off towards California St, I asked Just Julie if she’d seen Just Glen.  Arriving at the first BN at the El Camino, Just Glen was nowhere to be found – except inside soaking up a brew with the hares!  It seems that Just Glen, in getting separated from the pack, had stumbled across our hares and CAUGHT them!  And I thought he might be a “mole.”  Fortunately, for the hares, Just Glen isn’t up to speed on all the hashing traditions and didn’t dump their flour bags over their heads (Virtual Clinton said it wouldn’t have mattered since he had almost no flour left – no wonder the marks were rather faint at times).

With another 15 minute lead, the hares led the pack north from the El Camino.  This leg proved to be a short one (with the hares in danger of being seen on the other side of California St), ending at the Roadrunner (just across the street).  Have we hit all the bars in town, yet??  With time to spare (before NO MORE FOOD), the pack retired to the brewpub and religion.

  Nuclear Semen filled in (wherever I could or wherever anyone would let me) for the absent Religious Advisor, Papa Don’t Preach.  The hares were hailed (with the mud from our shoes) for shitty trail and given a second down-down for getting caught!  As luck would have it, the coach of the NM Tech rugby team, Dave Wheelock, and his lady friend were sharing the room.  He thanked one and all for providing an entertaining and unexpected dinner show (where’s our tip, Dave?).  Virgin Jason was invited to step up and divulge who had made him “come.”  Thus, Just Bob got to share a down-down with him and, then, Just Bob got a second down-down for not wearing anything green (the undershorts didn’t count – I didn’t have my magnifying glass with me to look for anything that small!).  Ya’ll come back now, ya’ hear, Just Jason!  Crimes on trail were exposed (we haven’t tried exacting an “exposure” punishment of intimate body parts, yet?).  Nothing’s Hung Like A Deere and his mate Just Julie paid with a down-down for having that dreaded “R” word (or something relating thereto) on their shirts.  Next, Just Kim got a down-down for calling her fellow hashers by their “wanker” names (we can always provide you with a seating chart).  And last, and maybe least, Just Glen received a down-down for yelling “On Three” (and what does that mean?  …that you can count beyond two).

Finally (whew!), we got to the highlight of the evening – naming Just Julie!!!  I really appreciated the fact that she “outed” herself the previous hash (must have been rough growing up with a last name like that – ever play rugby?).  Thanks to a recent tale provided by Just Julie’s other half (or fourth or fifth… I’ll drink to that), Nothing, relating to her frugality (here’s something for you Just Julie – you’re inexpensive, but never cheap!), Just Julie became Second Hand Dyke!!  The pack has spoken!  Oh, by the way, if that’s not the correct spelling of your maiden name – pardon my Dutch.  You’ll get over it.  Just Bob and Just Kim are coming up quickly to their “magic 5” hash.  We really need to start using the Naming Hat!!!

Virtual Clinton related his recent trip to the great metropolis of Albuquerque to hash with the Albuquerque H3.  He commented that we are far behind on religion – so we sang some songs to get ourselves prepped.  Why?  Because our next hash will be on Saturday, April 3rd, around 2PM with an open invitation to our fellow hashers from Albuquerque (we don’t want to look totally inept!).  For the rest of you, yours truly, Nuclear Semen, and Papa Don’t Preach (I think) will be MIA that weekend (I’m “rugbying” it in Austin TX… party on!); so the rest of you will be “carrying the load (of whatever).”  Do us proud!  Nah – just do us!!!


Next Hash Date:        Saturday, 3 April 2004

Next Hash Hares:      Nothing’s Hung Like A Deere & Just Glen