SH3 Hash Trash
Vol. 2, No. 5 Hash No. 15
Hash Date: 13
May 2004
Scribe: Nuclear
Semen
SH3
returned to its normal modus operandi for its 5th hash of 2004,
enjoying a beautiful Socorro spring evening (it wasn’t windy!). Nine people congregated at the Socorro
Springs Brewery for a “Tour de
Socorro” (and that’s no lie!). Present
were Nuclear Semen (yours truly, back from the gates of Texas … I mean Hell),
Virtual Clinton, Nothing’s Hung Like A Deere (who now has a permanent
job ... is that like a “real” job?), Second Hand Dyke (promise we won’t make
you hash queen … at least not every hash), Father Snowball (sans drag –
couldn’t get a date at the last minute, eh?), Just Bob (but not for long!!!),
Just Glenn (next time, boy, next time!), Just Jason, and Virgin Tyler (another
protégé made to come by Father Snowball – where do you find them?). Missing in action (MIA) were Papa Don’t
Preach (have you given up on us?) and Seven Inches Shy (sick, AGAIN!! You’d better stop taking those trips to D.C.
or whatever you do while you’re out of town).
Just Bob soon started coming on to other male members of the pack
(sniffing behinds is a sure way to get an obnoxious hash moniker!).
After a
round of introductions (for Virgin Tyler’s
benefit) and a few pitchers, the pack followed hare,
Virtual Clinton, to the street for
the chalk talk. Hare Clinton (or maybe
Herr Clinton?) proceeded to explain the marks to Virgin Tyler,
including a mandatory YBF. At the
YBF, the pack was obliged to yell, “Hello, Carol” at the nearest house. From the brewpub, Virtual Clinton
ferried the entire pack in his van (SEATS!
WOW! It’s a “pimpmobile”!) to the northeastern outskirts of Socorro (at least he didn’t
blindfold us … although, … that sounds like an interesting idea!). Nuclear Semen commented that the pack better
stay together because there no telling what might happen if someone got
separated out there. Virtual departed
down the road, saying (I thought I heard him laughing) that the hunt was on
(didn’t even have to wait for him to get out of sight).
The pack
proceeded south towards Socorro, soon finding the check leading to the
mandatory YBF. All present began yelling
greetings at the nearest home across the road.
No one showed! [Well, I guess I
wouldn’t look out (much less come outside), either, with a band of unknown
crazy people standing in front of my house.]
It probably looked like a lynch mob!
After fulfilling their duty, the pack returned to the main road and,
again, headed south. Along the way, several
of the male species provided unsolicited irrigation to nearby fields. Crossing over the railroad tracks and ditch,
the pack made its way to the first BN not far from El Sombrero. A special thanks is given to Alan Perryman
for willingly (although, he might have been under duress by Virtual Clinton)
hosting the BN. He even provided
appropriate facilities for the lone female of the pack (to which he dutifully
showed Second Hand …). Virtual Clinton
then turned from “driving” hare to “running” hare and headed off with a 15
minute lead while the pack continued to indulge in “silver bullets.” Just Bob continued to note how “handsome”
some of the other hounds were. Some
discussion was held on Just Bob’s future name.
Host Alan offered up Sunny Boner as a possibility (not bad for a
non-hasher!).
After
giving Virtual Clinton his head
start (although I don’t know why we should have given him 15 minutes), the pack
took off to the west and the frontage road.
Heading past El Sombrero, the pack followed the trail south (more or
less), alerting all manner of canine with the ever-present “ON ON.” Swinging by the
train station, all began to wonder whether or not Virtual Clinton had a
“culvert crawl” planned, but were relieved when the trail headed further south
along I-25. [Passing over the railroad spur line and ditch I saw some mighty fine shiggy at the
bottom of the ditch!!] The trail
continued to the south until crossing under I-25 when it started heading back
north. As the pack circled around Clarke
Field in the waning daylight, it was obvious that the second leg of the hash
had been much longer than the first.
Finally, turning into the Valverde Hotel, a BN
was encountered with Virtual Clinton
calmly awaiting the pack’s arrival.
Quickly,
Father Snowball and Nothing’s Hung Like A Deere convinced Dr. Dan Lopez,
president of New Mexico Tech, who was sitting at the bar, to buy a pitcher for
the “poor, unfortunate” runners who had just arrived (What did you two
offer him? Second Hand
Dyke? A good
BJ? What?). With darkness quickly settling over the land,
it was agreed to hold the down-down there.
Nuclear Semen filled in for the (seemingly always) absent Papa Don’t
Preach as Religious Advisor and proceeded to bring Religion to the cast of
misfits known as SH3. First
the “hare for a day” was toasted with a round of “Shitty Trail” followed by a
down-down for Virtual Clinton. Virgin (now Just) Tyler
was toasted along with his mentor, Father Snowball followed by their
down-downs. Next, crimes on trail saw
numerous infractions of “wanker” name usage and
wearing of gear having dreaded “R” association.
True to form, Father Snowball was particularly decked out in “R”
attire. Even Nuclear Semen fell victim
to having worn a fanny pack that was “R” related (checking out me bum, eh
Second Hand?).
Then came the highlight of the evening – naming Just Bob!! Previously mentioned monikers were brought
before the pack, including Sunny Boner, Ball Licker Bob, and There’s
A EE In Queer. But, after critical
cross-examination by Virtual Clinton,
during which Just Bob revealed his mail order divinity degree (Church of the what? The Rising Whore did you say?) and his employment at the Very Large Array (VLA) (thanks,
Jodie for making it famous), a sudden turn in suggested names came about. With VLA figuring prominently (meaning Very
Large/Loose/Lubricated Anus), the pack, with near unanimous approval, assigned
Just Bob the hash name Padre VLAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
It should be noted that the emphasis is on the VLAAAAAAAAAA (just
watch Sabado Gigante some weekend on Univision or listen to a Mexican soccer
announcer when a goal is scored … for the uninitiated, non-natives, think of
the “What’s Uppppppp?” Budweiser
commercials). What was so nice
about the name was that Just Bob really hated it (Wah
… wah! Take
your name like a man!). The pack has
spoken!! Rounding out the evening, Nothing led the pack in the Hasher’s Prayer followed by a
round of “Who Put the Suck in Socorro.”
With Festivities concluded, SH3 headed back to the brewpub
for some food (and definitely some more fine beverages).
Remember,
next time is Just Glenn’s 5th.
Isn’t Just Kim close, too?
Speaking of Just Kim, we saw
you in your SUV at the corner of Manzanares & California as we
were being kidnapped by Virtual Clinton!! So many down-downs; so little time!
ON ON!!!
Next Hash Date: 10 June 2004
Next Hash Hares: Padre
VLAAAAAAAAAA and Just Jason